


the ceremony of innocence is drowned; the best lack all conviction

by RedWritingHood



Series: Je Ne Sais Quoi [1]
Category: D. Gray-man
Genre: Alma and Yuu are Spirits, Alma is oblivious, Alma is unimpressed, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Bookman is Concerned™, Gen, I love me a good misunderstanding, Lavi doesn't even know what's going on, Misunderstandings, Non-Binary Alma Karma, Spirits, Supernatural Elements, he thinks he does but he doesn't, the Exorcists summon Alma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 16:39:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20799707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedWritingHood/pseuds/RedWritingHood
Summary: Lavi thinks he's being so self sacrificing, but joke's on him, Alma doesn't even like him.





	the ceremony of innocence is drowned; the best lack all conviction

One moment Alma is patting the soil around a divine sapling they've just replanted and half-listening to Yuu complain about that white clown spirit who's always getting him riled up, and the next-- Yuu is gone.

Alma stares at the empty space where their best friend used to be. "What the _f--_"

And then they're gone as well.

Gone--

\--and then _there, _reappeared just as suddenly as they'd vanished.

They wobble for a second, but get their bearings quickly. Looking at the people gathered around them and at the chalky design under their feet, they realize what happened. Clearly, they're not in the Pure Lands anymore. Despite what Yuu likes to say sometimes, they are _not _an idiot. In fact, Yuu's _way _more stupid than they are--

And they've both been summoned, by Exorcists, no less, recognizable by their sleek uniforms. Except Alma's the only one there, no stupid best friend to be seen, and they draw themself up and glare at the assembled Exorcists. "_Where is--_" they begin, only to shut their mouth when, as one, the exorcists all bow.

"We deeply apologize for summoning you so abruptly," one Exorcist says, with hair like the spiking red flames of the Vitae River and an eyepatch over his right eye. "We wouldn't have done so if we didn't need your help."

"Help with what? Why should I do anything for you?" Alma demands. They were having a perfectly fine morning, and now they're in the human lands without any idea where Yuu is. If these Exorcists had summoned him, they would have been asking him for help instead of Alma. Although-- maybe they already did that, and in true Yuu fashion, he refused, so Alma is their next resort.

Whatever happened, Alma is pissed.

"Please," the flame-haired one says, stepping forward. The older one beside him with the black eyes and gnarled hands doesn't like that, but the flame-haired one either doesn't notice or ignores the warning look sent his way. "I don't know what sort of things your kind desires, but if you help us, we'll give you anything you want. Within our power," he adds.

Alma frowns, squinting closer at the two. "I know you. Bookman. I wasn't aware there were any left," they remark, belatedly realizing that might be a bit cruel to say aloud.

Flame-hair's face twitches before smoothing out again. "We're the last."

Alma holds back a grimace. They never claimed to be tactful, but they at least liked to believe they were better than Yuu.

They lean back and fold their arms over their chest. "Fine. I'll help. Anything I want, you said?"

"Within our power."

"Right. Then, when this-- whatever _this _is-- is over..." They glare right into flame-hair's single green eye, leaning forward again. "I want Yuu."

Flame-hair freezes, eye widening. The black-eyed Bookman makes a sound like he's about to protest, but without looking away from Alma, flame-hair stops him with a gesture. "If that's what you want," he says, blank-faced, "you'll have it. So long as you help us."

"I said I would, didn't I?" What's with them? It can't be that hard to look for a very angry sword-wielding battle spirit with a ponytail. _Weird._

Whatever. Hopefully Yuu doesn't make too many enemies before they find him.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Alma why would you word it like that


End file.
